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| Lisa & John |
My husband and I went to Texas, truly by faith, to meet with Dr. Elkins from Christway Counseling. The feeling of disconnect between had grown so much that I felt we were engaged in a business relationship instead of romantic, spiritual union. I found it hard to believe a weekend of counseling would be able to make a big enough difference to salvage my marriage; however, I needed to know that I tried. I admit the unknown had me somewhat nervous and I wasn’t sure what to expect. We spent 21 hours in counseling, 10 and 11 hours  straight for two days. There was prayer, an honest examination of our own hearts and a willingness to look at our own failures. Dr. Elkins taught us how to communicate our hurts and unmet needs to one another in a very simple, yet extremely effective manner. What made Dr. Elkins counseling so unique was the presence of God that ushered in when he spoke. There was a powerful message from God spoken through this man. I realize that I am trying to explain a supernatural experience to you in a natural form of communication and I do not think that is possible; however, I can convey the natural results of a supernatural event. I can tell you this with absolute confidence . . . we had an encounter with God. Try to imagine going into a meeting with your spouse and having the awareness of Gods presence. In His presence, you are able to see how much you are not like Him. This is what happened. Dr Elkins helped us take the focus off ourselves and place the focus first on God, then on the other. The wall John and I built came down brick by brick. We cried tears of shame, pain, amazement and relief. It is an unexplainable feeling to have absolutely not one brick of resentment between us and as a result, I am closer to my husband than I have ever been.
We were excited about our newfound closeness, but when the reality of life settled in we struggled to maintain that closeness. Our new way of communicating was unnatural and awkward, but as time progressed, we realized the importance wasn’t on the formula of the words we chose, but on the delivery and timing of those words. The greatest gift we received was a deeper understanding of one another and the enabling power of God to love each other. Having this understanding has enabled us to be more forgiving, more tolerant, more compassionate and more loving to each other. As a result, there is more humility in our relationship and when we disagree, we are able to humble ourselves and make things right between us quickly.
The results of this session were not fleeting; it is months after our counseling session with Dr. Elkins and our marriage remains transformed. This was an amazing encounter with God and it testifies to the truth of His existence. My marriage will never be the same, my family will never be the same, my entire life will never be the same. If you ran into God today, would you be the same?
God’s Best to you,
Lisa & John |
| Star & Hans (Star’s Story) |
Hans and I had been married for about two years and we were not experiencing a good marriage. I felt none of that “in love” feeling that we as women desire to feel. Hans and I fought all of the time and I felt that none of my needs were being met. In the beginning I pleaded with Hans to go to counseling with me, but he refused. We tried time and time again to repair the marriage on our own but it always ended up much worse. In the end there was verbal abuse, physical abuse, and an affair. I felt there would never be love in our home again and I ended up leaving the marriage.
Hans began counseling with Karl and he asked if I would come. I first refused, and then after some time I went only to be able to tell others that I had tried. I began to see drastic changes in Hans and his entire character and I was a little curious. Karl began to teach Hans and I what God’s Word had to say about marriage and the roles of a husband and wife. He also showed me that marriage was God’s design from the very beginning and that God wanted our marriage to be full of love and desire for one another.
I am honored to say Hans and I have been happily married now for nine and a half years and I love my husband more than my words could ever express. God has blessed us with three beautiful children and a forth on the way. Our life is a beautiful picture of God’s power and what he can do if we will only let Him. Hans and I tried to do it on our own and failed. God’s Word says: Plans fail for lack of counsel (Proverbs 15:22). God used Karl in a mighty way in a way where it seemed all hope was gone. Remember God raised a dead man to life, that same God has the power to resurrect any dead marriage and make it a beautiful one. |
| Star & Hans (Hans’ Story) |
Marriage takes continual work!
When Star and I first met we were “In Love”—at least we thought we were. Very quickly after we got married and after the “Honeymoon Stage” of marriage Star and I started to have some problems. Star and I both had church backgrounds but were struggling with actually living out what we knew was right. We went to Church on Sunday, but usually with a hangover! Needless to say, we were straddling the fence. God didn’t let us stay in that condition. He allowed our marriage to get worse and worse. I had a control and an anger problem. Not a good combination!! When things got out of control, I became angry and abused Star verbally and sometimes even physically.
 I knew my anger was a problem, and I always admitted it to Star. After abusing her, I would sincerely beg for her forgiveness and tell her I would never do it again. That cycle repeated several times. I would do good for a couple weeks, or maybe even months, but my anger would always eventually boil out of control. I tried hard to change. Real hard. I even prayed that God would help me change. Our entire family and church family was praying for us. But the problem wasn’t going away, and eventually Star asked me to leave. Before I knew it, she was filing for a divorce.
I moved in with my parents and life was not good. To date, I have yet to experience a struggle like I did during our separation. My parents told me that I could stay at their house only if I went to see a counselor. I didn’t like that too much. But now I did not have much of a choice. I didn’t have any other place to stay. Star had begged me to go to counseling before, but I thought I could fix our marriage by myself. Since I didn’t want to be homeless, I made an appointment with Karl Elkins.
From the very first session, God used Karl to show me my fault in my marriage. I knew I had an anger and control problem, but I didn’t realize how learning God’s principles for living could help me overcome those problems. Karl quickly showed me biblical principles that led me to a closer relationship with God, and to winning my wife back! In a matter of weeks, Star started to come to counseling with me and we began to work together to repair our marriage.
It has been six years since we got back together, and we are more in love now than ever. We have three beautiful children and Star is pregnant with our fourth. We have to continually work at our marriage, and we both know that with God’s help we can get through anything. Like every sports team needs a coach to motivate, to encourage, and to steer in the right direction, my team (my family) needed a counselor. I thank God for placing Karl in our lives to be that person. |
| Jennifer & John (Jennifer’s Story) |
John and I had been happily married for over four years, spending most of our free time together, sharing many similar interests, and just enjoying one another's company. Oh sure, we had experienced the typical arguments and disagreements that most married couples do during that time; however, it wasn't until the birth of our first child, my quitting work to become a stay-at-home mom, and John's new job which was very demanding, requiring odd and long hours with sporadic sleep that the mettle of our marriage began being tested. The little disagreements, insensitivities, and conflicts that before had been insignificant and infrequent began to mount and there was never complete resolution of the problem at hand. This led to resentment and frustration and the inability to address the conflict du jour because all of our old unresolved issues continued to resurface even though they had absolutely nothing to do with the current issue!
We were heavily entrenched in playing the “Blame Game”—you know, where each side feels justified in saying or behaving in the way they feel their spouse deserves based on the others behavior. Conflicts were typically “resolved” by each of us stubbornly agreeing not to do or say something in the future that caused the conflict in the first place. Well, as you can imagine, we found it difficult to remember what key phrases or behaviors were considered taboo by our spouse, so the infractions were repeated again and again! This led to further resentment and, ultimately, indifference about offending one another. When the conflicts stretched into days and weeks of hurtful and insensitive behavior because of our uncaring attitudes toward one another, we finally realized that the health of our marriage had begun to deteriorate.
 We knew our marriage needed help and, as longtime Christians with strong Christian values and beliefs, we knew that God must be involved. But, I had prayed about our problems so many times…or had I? In truth, I had selfishly prayed that God would convict and change John and had never focused on what God might expect of me! We agreed that we needed someone with a Christian perspective to teach us and provide some practical tools for healing past hurts and resolving future conflicts. We had heard Karl Elkins speak at a marriage workshop the previous year and had remembered his application of Biblical principles to marriage. It was then that we started Accelerated Marriage Counseling with Karl.
Through Karl's teaching we realized that we had never gone through the process of sincere confession and forgiveness for the hurts we had caused one another over the years, thus leading to the resentment and unforgiving attitudes to which we had so desperately been clinging. We talked about the importance of applying to marriage the "Log and Splinter Principle" from Matthew 7:3-5 where Jesus said "first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye". Further study of Christ's selflessness and sacrificial living modeled in the Bible convicted us of our selfish and insensitive behaviors. Enlightened and eager to right our marriage with one another, and more importantly with God, Karl was able to lead us through an exhaustive process of sincere confession and true forgiveness for EVERY offense we had committed against one another. Through this emotional process we were both deeply moved by the Holy Spirit - His presence was utterly palpable to us. We were privileged and awed to glimpse the Holy Spirit at work in us and in our marriage through the most profound and REAL communion with our Creator that we had ever experienced!
It is such a liberating feeling to know that I have “come clean” with my husband, and with God, for all of the sins I have committed in my marriage! Certainly we still experience conflict in our marriage, but the excellent Biblical insights and many useful tools with which Karl equipped us have really helped us to resolve conflicts in a more loving, respectful, and timely manner. God has not just revived our marriage; He has truly revolutionized it! John and I are more intimate in every aspect of our lives - spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Our marriage feels lighter now; we are not weighted down with past hurts and failures, but can move forward with excitement and renewed focus on our future. Our lives have been so deeply impacted by this experience that we have committed ourselves to helping start and facilitate a marriage ministry through our church. We are so blessed that Karl Elkins was the instrument God used for the mighty work that He has done in our marriage. |
| Jennifer & John (John’s Story) |
My story actually begins almost 15 years before Jennifer and I were married. I had been married before which ended in a very sad unwanted divorce. I mention this first as a preamble because prior to the end of my first marriage, we sought out traditional “Christian counseling” in an effort to save that marriage. We met for the traditional one hour-a-week, would spend 30-45 minutes of that hour trying to identify an issue and end up with a big open wound and only 10 minutes to attempt to address it The last 5-10 minutes were spent writing a check for that hour. Nothing, as you can imagine, got adequately addressed and dealt with. My shocker from this experience was that our counselor told my “ex” that he could go either way . . . if she wanted to divorce, he would help her or if she wanted to try to make the marriage work he would help her with that. Long story short, she chose to divorce and there began my skepticism with the whole concept of “Christian marriage counseling.”
Years later Jennifer and I met, fell in love and got married. We spent the first four years happily married and pretty much enjoyed smooth sailing during that time. But over time we started to argue more and experience conflicts that we truly would not resolve but would “sweep under the carpet.” Jennifer got fed up with not being able to resolve these conflicts on our own and stated that she wanted us to go to counseling, not only counseling, but Christian counseling!!! I not only said “NO” but also, was very emphatic about my unwillingness to go to “Christian counseling.” I told her I didn't care if they were a “Christian” counselor or not. All they would do is drag out the same old “one hour-a-week” as long as possible to ensure an income source. We finally ended up compromising and begrudgingly signed up for an eight-week “Intimate Encounters” seminar at a local church This was safe for me as we would be joining 30 other couples in the class—I could rationalize that our problems weren’t as bad as others, could pick and choose which concepts I wanted to apply to our marriage, and not really be held accountable to anyone else. One of the week’s sessions was lead by a guest teacher, a local counselor named Karl Elkins. His presentation was excellent and his approach very Biblical. We gleaned some practical tools from his presentation and from the 8-week class to apply to our marriage and enjoyed some pretty smooth months to follow; however, without the “personal accountability” factor and because we still had not addressed some root issues and harbored resentments, we again fell back into our arguing and angry ways.
Jennifer again broached the subject of Christian counseling, but I remained unwavering in my objections. So Jennifer decided to pursue counseling without me! I became furious and did everything I could to discourage her from going. My anger and frustration stemmed from past experience and that “here I go again” feeling . . . down that road of endless hour-a-week “Christian counseling,” spending just enough time to open up the wounds, never fully addressing them, on and on until SHE got fed up and called it quits. The only one making out (in my mind) was the counselor who was banking his endless hourly fees each week. I was one cynical husband! My anger and frustration at Jennifer was having no effect on stopping her from going to a counselor and I was driving myself crazy in the process.
It was at this time that Jennifer and I recalled Karl Elkin’s presentation at our Intimate Encounters seminar. I remembered liking his style and direct counseling from God’s word. He had struck me then as not being the stereotypical namby-pamby counselor who’s only statement during a session is “How does that make you feel?” and then not having much more to offer. All I can say is that God was working to soften my heart and impress upon me the importance of being an active participant in improving my marriage. So we contacted Karl. We were able to block off and commit to several hours at a time per session, for what Karl calls “Accelerated Marriage Counseling.” From the beginning Karl set out the basic Biblical foundation of my responsibility to Jennifer in our marriage. We went through a process of getting ourselves individually right with God before dealing with our problems with each other. One concept that really struck home with me was what Karl calls the 1% rule.
The 1% rule: Even if I am only 1% at fault in a conflict or disagreement and Jennifer is 99% at fault, God still holds ME 100 % responsible for the 1% that I am guilty of. So, I must hold myself personally accountable and make restitution for my wrongdoing in order to live “right” before the Lord (Matt. 12:36-37).
Along with the excellent Biblical teachings and practical tools learned during our counseling, the major breakthrough in this process for me was having the TIME to truly deal with our issues. It was painful—opening up all the old wounds really hurt. But we spent a great deal of time during this “concentrated counseling” to really heal those wounds through confession to God and to one other and through asking for forgiveness and in truly forgiving one another.
God has truly touched our hearts through his grace and power and through Karl’s concentrated counseling. I am so blessed that the love of my life, Jennifer, stuck it out with me through difficult times. As a result, our marriage has been renewed and we now share a closeness that we had never before imagined. As a counseling skeptic, I now say with firm conviction that Karl’s counseling is Biblical, sincere, honest, practical, and, above all, Christian. |
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