Star & Hans

(by Hans)

Marriage takes continual work! When Star and I first met we were “In Love”—at least we thought we were. Very quickly after we got married and after the “Honeymoon Stage” of marriage Star and I started to have some problems. Star and I both had church backgrounds but were struggling with actually living out what we knew was right. We went to Church on Sunday, but usually with a hangover! Needless to say, we were straddling the fence. God didn’t let us stay in that condition. He allowed our marriage to get worse and worse. I had a control and an anger problem. Not a good combination!! When things got out of control, I became angry and abused Star verbally and sometimes even physically. . . .

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Star & Hans

1. Alertness vs. unawareness
Being aware of the physical and spiritual events taking place around me so that I can have the right responses to them.
“But after I have been raised, I will go before you to Galilee.” (Mark 14:28)

2. Attentiveness vs. unconcern
Showing the worth of a person by giving undivided attention to his words and emotions.
“For this reason we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it.” (Hebrews 2:1)

3. Availability vs. self-centeredness
Adjusting my personal responsibilities around the needs of those whom I am serving.
“For I have no one else of kindred spirit who will genuinely be concerned for your welfare.” (Philemon 2:20)

4. Boldness vs. fearfulness
Confidence that what I have to say or do is true and right and just in the sight of God.
“And now, Lord take note of their threats, and grant that Thy bondservant may speak Thy word with all confidence.” (Acts 4:29)

5. Cautiousness vs. rashness
Knowing how important right timing is in accomplishing right actions.
“Also it is not good for a person to be without knowledge, and he who makes haste with his feet errs.” (Proverbs 19:2)

6. Compassion vs. indifference
Investing whatever is necessary to heal the hurts of others.
“But whoever has the world’s goods, and beholds his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him?” (1 John 3:17)

7. Contentment vs. covetousness
Realizing God has provided everything I need for my present happiness.
“And if we have food and covering, with these we shall be content.” (1 Timothy 6:8)

8. Creativity vs. underachievement
Applying God's wisdom and practical insights to a need or task.
“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12:2)

9. Decisiveness vs. double-mindedness
The ability to finalize difficult decisions based on the will and ways of God.
“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it Will be given to him.” (James 1:5)

10. Deference vs. rudeness
Limiting my freedom to speak and act in order not to offend the taste of others.
“It is good not to eat meat or to drink wine, or to do anything by which your brother stumbles.” (Romans 14:21)

11. Dependability vs. inconsistency
Fulfilling what I consented to do even if it means unexpected sacrifice.
“In whose eyes a reprobate is despised, but who honors those who fear the lord; He swears to his own hurt, and does not change.” (Psalm 15:4)

12. Determination vs. faintheartedness
Purposing to accomplish God's goals in God's timing regardless of the opposition.
“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith; in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing.” (2 Timothy 4:7-8)

13. Diligence vs. slothfulness
Visualizing each task as a special assignment from the Lord and using all my energies to accomplish it.
“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men.” (Colossians 3:23)

14. Discernment vs. judgment
The God-given ability to understand why things happen to others and to me.
“But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

15. Discretion vs. simplemindedness
The ability to avoid words, actions, and attitudes which could result in undesirable consequences.
“The prudent sees the evil and hides himself, but the naive go on, and are punished for it.” (Proverbs 22:3)

16. Endurance vs. giving up
The inward strength to withstand the stress to accomplish God's best.
“And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary.” (Galatians 6:9)

17. Enthusiasm vs. apathy
Expressing with my spirit the joy of my soul.
“Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit.” (1 Thessalonians 5:15-16)

18. Faith vs. presumption
Visualizing what God intends to do in a given situation and acting in harmony with it.
“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1)

19. Flexibility vs. resistance
Not setting my affections on ideas or plans, which could be changed by God or others.
“Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” (Colossians 3:2)

20. Forgiveness vs. rejection
Clearing the record of those who have wronged me and me allowing God to love them through me.
“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

21. Generosity vs. stinginess
Realizing that all I have belongs to God and using it for His purposes.
“Now this I say, he who sows sparingly shall also reap sparingly; and he who sows bountifully shall also reap bountifully.” (2 Corinthians 9:6)

22. Gentleness vs. harshness
Showing personal care and concern in meeting the needs of others.
“But we proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children.” (1 Thessalonians 2:7)

23. Gratefulness vs. un-thankfulness
Making known to God and others in what ways they have benefited my life.
“For who regards you as superior? And what do you have that you did not receive? But if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it?” (1 Corinthians 4:7)

24. Hospitality vs. loneliness
Cheerfully sharing food, shelter, and spiritual refreshment with those whom God brings into my life.
“Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.” (Hebrews 13:2)

25. Humility vs. pride
Seeing the contrast between God's holiness and my sinfulness.
“But he gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives to the humble.” (James 4:6)

26. Initiative vs. unresponsiveness
Recognizing and doing what needs to be done before I am asked to do it.
“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:21)

27. Joyfulness vs. self-pity
The result of knowing that God is perfecting His life in others through me.
“A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, but when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken.” (Proverbs 15:13)

28. Justice vs. fairness
Personal responsibility to God's unchanging laws.
“He had told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” (Micah 6:8)

29. Love vs. selfishness
Giving to others' basic needs without having personal rewards as my motive.
“And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.” (1 Corinthians 13:3)

30. Loyalty vs. unfaithfulness
Using difficult times to demonstrate my commitment to God and to those whom he has called me to serve.
“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13)

31. Meekness vs. anger
Yielding my personal rights and expectations to God.
“My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from him.” (Psalm 62:5)

32. Obedience vs. willfulness
Fulfilling instructions so that God and the one I am serving will fully be satisfied.
“We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5)

33. Orderliness vs. disorganization
Arranging my life and surrounding so that God has maximum freedom to achieve His goals through me.
“But let all things be done properly and in an orderly manner.” (1 Corinthians 14:40)

34. Patience vs. restlessness
Accepting a difficult situation from God without giving Him a deadline to remove it.
“And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proved character; and proven character, hope.” (Romans 5:34)

35. Persuasiveness vs. contentiousness
Using words, which cause the listener's spirit to conform that he is hearing truth.
“And the Lord's bondservant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged.” (2 Timothy 2:24)

36. Punctuality vs. tardiness
Showing respect for other people and the limited time that God has given to them.
“There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

37. Resourcefulness vs. wastefulness
Wise use of that which others would normally overlook or discard.
“He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much.” (Luke 16:10)

38. Responsibility vs. unreliability
Knowing and doing what God and others are expecting from me.
“So then each one of us shall give account of himself to God.” (Romans 14:12)

39. Reverence vs. disrespect
Awareness of how God is working through the people and events in my life to produce the character of Christ in me.
“Do not let your heart envy sinners, but live in the fear of the Lord always.” (Proverbs 23:17)

40. Security vs. anxiety
Structuring my life around what is eternal and cannot be destroyed or taken away.
“Do not work for the food which perished, but for the food which endures to eternal life, which he Son of Man shall give to you, for on Him the Father, even God, has set His seal.” (John 6:27)

41. Self-control vs. self-indulgence
Instant obedience to the initial prompting of God's Spirit.
“Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.” (Galatians 5:24-25)

42. Sensitivity vs. callousness
Knowing by the prompting of God's Spirit what words and actions will benefit the lives of others.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15)

43. Sincerity vs. hypocrisy
Eagerness to do what is right with transparent motives.
“Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart.” (1 Peter 1:22)

44. Thriftiness vs. extravagance
Not letting myself or others spend that which is not necessary.
“It therefore you have been faithful in the use of unrighteous mammon, who will entrust the true riches to you?” (Luke 16:11)

45. Thoroughness vs. incompleteness
Realizing that each of our tasks will be reviewed and rewarded by God.
“The mind of the prudent acquire knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.” (Proverbs 18:15)

46. Tolerance vs. prejudice
Viewing every person as a valuable individual whom God created and loves.
“Make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.” (Philemon 2:2)

47. Truthfulness vs. deception
Earning future trust by accurately reporting facts.
“Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth, each one of you, with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.” (Ephesians 4:25)

48. Wisdom vs. natural inclinations
Seeing and responding to life situations from God's frame of reference.
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” (Proverbs 9:10)

49. Virtue vs. impurity
The influence God is having on others through my life regardless of my past failures.
“Seeing that His power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and Godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His glory and excellence.” (2 Peter 1:3)

Institute in Basic Life Principles, Inc. (IBLP), Rebuilder’s Guide, p. 170-175

 

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