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| In This Issue • Marriage Tip 7: Receive and Give Approval • Two-Day Marriage Clinic™ • Other Upcoming Opportunities |
| Marriage Tip 7:
Receive and Give Approval You can meet your spouse’s need for approval (affirmation and blessing) by expressing commendation (having a favorable opinion of, thinking and speaking well of, building up or affirming, and affirming the fact and importance of a relationship). Eph. 4:29 “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment that it will give grace to those who hear.” Jesus affirmed a generous widow (Mk. 12:41); Peter (Matt. 16:13); a devoted Mary of Bethany who anointed Him with perfume for burial (Jn. 12:2); and a grateful leper (Lu. 17:11). God affirms us as saints (Rom. 1:7); sons of the Most High (Eph. 1:5); joint-heirs with Christ (Rom. 8:17); royal priests (1 Pet. 2:9); and as His dearly beloved children (Eph. 5:1). Affirm both the fact and importance of a relationship. At Jesus’ baptism (Mk. 1:11), God affirmed both the fact (“You are my beloved Son”) and importance of the relationship (“beloved Son in whom I am well pleased”). He did this before Jesus had done anything on Earth, before any miracles or healings. Approve of the person and the relationship without approving of behavior. The prodigal son (Lu. 15:11) depleted the trust fund on wine, women, and song, and was living in a pig sty. Can you imagine what he must have feared from his father as he returned home to beg for food and employment? “That’s what you get . . . see I told you so . . . you are on your own now . . .” But the loving Father runs toward him with outstretched arms and a face full of relief not strain. Show approval toward character and intentions even though you may not be able to approve of actions. I bought my wife flowers in the first week of marriage because of my love for her (character) and desire for them to be a blessing (good intentions). She thanked me for my loving gesture and intent to please and told me to never buy flowers again. She doesn’t like flowers. She likes plants because they last longer. She approved of my character and intentions but not the action itself. Affirm and don’t criticize. Criticism is the opposite of affirmation and approval. Try to frequently say things such as: “I’m so glad you are my mate . . . I am married to a really special person . . . I’m so glad God gave me you.” Comfort the pain from unmet approval and shower with approval. The person overly preoccupied with work, or with kids, is often someone who did not receive enough approval as a child. They may still be trying to earn their parents approval (or yours) with overly perfectionistic tendencies. Give comfort to heal the pain of missed approval then shower then with affirmation. How have you received and given approval? |
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| About Karl Elkins Karl Elkins, LPC, ThM, MA, CSC, BCPCC, DAPA has 25 years of counseling experience and is an Adjunct Instructor at College of Biblical Studies teaching Marriage and Family courses. He is Founder and President of Christway Counseling Center P.C. specializing in marriage and family counseling. He earned a Master’s degree in Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary, and a Master’s degree in Counseling from Colorado Christian University. He was formerly on staff with Intimate Life Ministries and director of a Houston Minirth-Meier New Life Clinic. He is married to Terry Elkins and has two grown children. |
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| Other Upcoming Opportunities Three-Day Accelerated Marriage Counseling (AMC)™ Includes all of the topics, instruction, and counseling projects in the Two-Day Marriage Clinic™, but is completely private—you, your partner and the counselor only. More Info » Individual Counseling We offer individual counseling to couples desiring an introductory session or two, follow-up sessions, or focused counseling. More Info » Monthly Marriage Enrichment Group Ongoing accountability group helps you internalize the good practices you’ve learned, avoid returning to bad habits, and develop new marriage-building skills. Next meeting is on April 1. More Info » FREE Marriage Builder Series Don’t just tie the knot, but tighten the knot as you strengthen abilities to incorporate relevant and practical biblical principles in these couples’ group classes. Child care included. First Tuesday of every month (6:30-8:00pm). More Info » Contact Information Phone: (832) 358-0900 E-Mail: terry@christwaycounseling.com Web: www.christwaycounseling.com  |
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